


Malec : A Christmas Carol

by TRIGGERED



Series: Malec Holiday Specials [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Cheating, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Magnus Bane/Others, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, M/M, Smut, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:19:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12997692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TRIGGERED/pseuds/TRIGGERED
Summary: A Malec story inspired by A Christmas Carol





	1. Christmas Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Malec Holiday Specials series.  
> (No requests)
> 
> October (31st): Halloween  
> November (23rd): Thanksgiving  
>  **December (25th): Christmas**  
>  January (1st): New Years  
> February (14th): Valentine’s Day  
> March (17th): St. Patrick’s Day  
> April (1st): April Fool’s Day  
> May (28th): Memorial Day  
> June (17th): Father’s Day  
> July (4th): Independence Day  
> August (26th): Women’s Equality Day  
> September (12th): Alec’s Birthday
> 
> Chapter updates on the 12th, 16th, 20th, 23rd, and 25th

          As the sun peeked through the curtains, Magnus knew he had slept through his alarm and was late for work again. Not that it mattered much; he was the boss so no one could actually fire him.

He turned in the arms of the man sleeping next to him and stared at his peaceful face. His dark, tousled hair fell slightly into his eyes and his sharp jawline always seemed to beg to be nuzzled. Maybe it was the sweet scent of mint or the crook of his neck, but Magnus couldn't help himself. He pulled the man close, breathing him in, peppering his jaw with soft butterfly kisses.

“Mmm,” came the sleepy response. “Good morning.”

The man tilted his head down to find Magnus’ and their lips met in a hot, open kiss that began to rouse them from their sleepy state.

It was Alec Lightwood again. It was so often Alec. He knew in his head that this was the beginning of a problem, but when he was around Alec, that problem seemed so far away and Magnus, the playboy, seemed to diminish for the briefest of moments.

His hand slid down to find the rock hard cock standing to attention. 

He quirked an eyebrow. “Well, hello there, soldier,” he crooned playful into the man's ear as he gripped his length, working the shaft slowly. “Standing to attention just for me?”

“Yes, sir,” Alec replied, helpless to stop his hips from thrusting forward. He pulled Magnus closer to deepen the kiss and Magnus moaned into him.  “Don't you have work?” Alec mumbled in between the kiss, his breath hitching as Magnus slowly increased the pace of his handy work.

With his free hand, Magnus reached back to the side table, breaking the kiss to grab the open lube and one of the condoms.

Squirting the substance into Alec's waiting hand, he nibbled at the man's lower lip. “You better make it a quick fuck then because I want you inside me.” His voice was husky with lust and he captured Alec's lips fully with his. Alec groaned in response.

His freshly lubed fingers reached around and circled Magnus’ entrance and Magnus couldn't help but back up in response. The slow push inside almost made him lose his rhythm and he buried his head in Alec's neck as Alec buried his fingers into his eager ass. Alec worked him open, coaxing the most delicious sounds from his plump swollen lips. 

“Magnus,” he pleaded, feeling himself get closer as Magnus writhed in front of him as he teased the sweet spot inside. 

Magnus pulled his head back and rested it on Alec's. He groped for the condom left between them, his hooded, lust-filled eyes not leaving Alec's. He placed the wrapper between Alec's lips and as the man bit down, he tore it open.

Hurriedly, he maneuvered his fingers to remove the condom and expertly rolled it into Alec's waiting cock. With a final quick kiss, Magnus turned and presented his ass for Alec. He needed to break away, the intensity of the man's stare always broke something inside him.

Alec kissed and nibbled his back as he removed his fingers and replaced it with his sheathed cock. He wrapped his arms around his neck and began to move them together.

What started as a slow, lazy fuck, gradually picked up as Alec shoved Magnus down into the mattress and began to fuck him in earnest. 

“Touch yourself,” Alec commanded and Magnus was almost undone. He grasped his cock, pumping it furiously as Alec pounded his ass to completion. As Magnus felt the hot cum shoot into the condom he let himself go and came into the white sheets beneath him.

Alec collapsed on top of him, gently and sweetly pressing kisses to his neck. 

“Good morning,” he echoed, rolling into his side and taking Magnus with him. They lay like this as Alec’s cock softened and he carefully pulled out, removing the condom and tying the top into a neat knot before throwing it into the trash on his side.

Magnus always needed a moment after his time with Alec. He lay and contemplated the emotions that overwhelmed him and then pushed them down. This was not a relationship. Magnus was not a monogamous man and he was not going to break a habit of a lifetime by catching feelings. 

“I better get going. I've got a meeting later on.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

Alec’s eyes followed his as he went. “Is that the one with the guys from Japan?”

“Uh huh,” he called back as he brushed his teeth. 

“Well, good luck. I hope it goes well.” 

“It should. Rachel's done most of the leg work already; it shouldn't be a problem.” After his business partner Hodge had died, he hadn’t needed a replacement, but he had employed Rachel as an advisor. She was a savvy businesswoman and a great lay. 

Alec became uncharacteristically quiet at the mention of her name. Magnus knew it had been a dick move to drop her into conversation, but Alec was always tearing down his walls and he needed to put a barrier up between them. The guilt he felt, however, was no small thing.

As he showered, he cursed himself for being so uncouth. Alec didn't need a reminder of his other lovers. He knew about them already, so why was Magnus rubbing it in his face? 

As he heard the door to the shower open, he turned to see Alec standing naked before him with a shy smile on his face. His heart leapt at the sight of him. Oh yeah, that was why.

“Want to get dirty instead?” Alec teased, pushing his soapy body back against the shower wall.

Magnus smirked back. How could he resist? 

He would have to make Rachel wait a little longer.

←X→

They were a mess of sweaty, satisfied limbs, but they couldn't dally for long. Pulling out of the assistant before him, Magnus quickly disposed of the condom, pulled his pants back up and straightened his shirt. In front of the girl, Rachel gently pushed her away, getting up and pulling her skirt down.

“Don't worry, love,” Magnus reassured, “that door leads to my private bathroom. Go clean yourself up.”

“But be quick,” Rachel added sternly, her British accent making her words harsher than probably intended, “the meeting starts in 20 minutes.”

The girl shuffled off to freshen up in the bathroom.

“Well, she’s fun," Rachel mused as she took out a mirror and began fixing her makeup. “Let’s hope she's as good at filing as she is at fucking. I don't want another Daniel on our hands.”

Magnus smirked. “Daniel was a great fuck.”

“Yeah, and a terrible assistant who spent most of his time on Facebook. Just because he can take cock like a fucking champion doesn't mean he gets to stay employed,” she scolded. “You wanted help turning this place around, and that means employing people that can fuck  _ and _ file,” she said, snapping her compact shut.

Magnus shrugged his jacket on and adjusted his cufflinks. “Fair enough,” he conceded. 

The assistant, Jessica, appeared from the bathroom looking marginally more presentable. “Oh, Mr. Bane, I forgot to tell you. There was a gift for you that came this morning. I'm not sure who it's from.”

Rachel scoffed. “Ten bucks says it's that Alec guy again.” Magnus’ heart thumped hard against his chest at the sound of his name. It was such an unusual and uncomfortable feeling and he tried to push the meaning of that from his mind.  “Seriously, Magnus, you need to sort that out. The poor man's clearly in love with you. Why are you stringing him along? Even I'm not that much of a bitch.”

Magnus wasn't actually sure. He had wanted to end it with Alec months ago, but for some reason, he just couldn't. Every time he was with him, it was like he could unlock a part of Magnus no one else saw and he selfishly wanted to hold onto a man with that unique talent. 

“Rachel, you  _ are _ that much of a bitch; I saw you kick a puppy last week because it tried to sniff at your Louboutins.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Well, you'll be doing the same thing when you get around to ending it with him.” 

“Maybe I won't end it with him,” he said quietly.

Rachel barked out a laugh. “Ha! Yeah, and maybe I'll join a convent in the ass end of nowhere and take a vow of abstinence.” She breezed past him, Jessica following close behind. “See you in 15 and don't be late,” she added before they were gone.

←X→

As he sat across from Raphael in the bar. He could feel his eyes judging him. It was 6pm and they had already started drinking.

“Why do you still look hungover?” he mused, staring at Magnus.

Magnus thought he had done a pretty good job at covering up his tired circles with a perfect smoky look, but clearly he underestimated his friend's keen eye.

“Well, I only got back at 7:30am, cut me some slack.”

“What, from the meeting?” Suddenly realization dawned on his face. “Oh, let me guess, you took them to a strip club. Seriously, they should be paying you commission from the amount of times you take clients there.”

Magnus grinned as he fiddled with the cuff on his ear. “Nothing seals a business deal like strippers.”

Although, he was walking a fine line between strippers and hookers as he'd slept with three of them; it was when they had finished work though, so he had clocked it in under the former.

As if reading his mind, Raphael said, “And I suppose you slept with said strippers.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “We haven't even gotten through one drink and you're already tossing around the judgment like you're the good Lord himself.”

Raphael narrowed his eyes and Magnus had the good sense to look suitably admonished as he knocked back his drink.

He twiddled the glass between his fingers. “Want another?”

←X→

Several drinks later, Magnus returned from the bar again, slightly squiffy and this time, with a sly smile on his face.

“Guess who just got the number of the hot bartender?” he began before pointing to himself and mouthing, ‘me’.

Raphael shook his head. “You are such a manwhore,” he said, taking his drink.

Magnus’ jaw dropped open. “I am offended!” he started. “Oh Fended!” he repeated with slightly more sloshed outrage.

Raphael held up Magnus’ phone. “Alec texted you, by the way,” he said, pushing the phone towards his friend. “And called. I almost answered and told him the truth; that you are about 2 drinks away from having another cock in your mouth so you couldn't really talk right now.” 

Magnus blinked, taken aback. “Alec knows what this is,” he said flatly, trying to defend himself.

His mind flashed briefly to the omamori charm Alec had sent him yesterday. Magnus had told him that his potential clients were Japanese and had flown in from Japan. The card Alec sent with it said he hoped it would bring him luck with his business meeting. It had been so sweet and thoughtful.

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

“I don't see how this is any of your business anyway. He's just another guy. What’s the big deal?”

“You forget that I've actually seen you with him,” Raphael countered. “I know you, Magnus. You actually like this guy and you are going to fuck this up if you're not careful.”

“I told you, he knows we’re not exclusive!” he argued, annoyed and uncomfortable with this new line of questioning.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should be. This guy actually likes you, like,  _ really _ likes you and you just act like his feelings are no big deal.” 

Magnus felt the sting in that. He had spent weeks keeping Alec from getting too close, from feeling too familiar. Every time his feeling for him crept too close to the surface, he just pushed them away.

He didn't know what it was about Alexander Lightwood that made him feel so much. It wasn't some sort of kink or fetish. It wasn't some mutual, lustful understanding, it was just something else. Every time he saw the man, his entire body felt alive, alert, and joyous. It wasn't just his beautiful features, dashing smile, and the amazing sex, it was his whole being. He was too good for Magnus and Magnus knew it, but he couldn't quite let go.

He glanced down at his phone and read the text.

Hey :) can you ring me? I wanted to ask you something?

-Alexander

He looked up at Raphael. “Excuse me while I take a quick break from your constant judgement.” 

He heard Raphael say, “Hurry back, I have work to do!” Magnus moved to a quiet corner of the bar and dialed Alec's number.

“Hey,” a familiar voice answered.

“Alexander, hey,” Magnus replied. “What's up?”

“I missed you,” came the simple reply.

Magnus’ words caught in his throat.

“You still there?” 

“Yeah… Sorry… It's really loud in here.”

“No, of course. That's okay. Sorry it was stupid of me to try and call.”

“No!” Magnus assured. He liked the sound of the man's voice and was glad to hear it. “No, I'm glad you tried to call. How was your day?”

“Good! It was good. I stopped off to get my tree and stuff. It's crazy, but I wanted to go all out this year, maybe because I’m hosting this year…” he sighed “Izzy keeps threatening to cook Christmas dinner for me.” He continued, “I say threatened, but I genuinely think she thinks it would go well. Apparently, she's watched a bunch of cookery shows and now believes she's an expert.”

Magnus laughed. He could listen to this man talk about everything mundane and never feel like he was bored.

“How about you? How was the meeting?”

Magnus shifted, uncomfortable with the subject change. “Yeah, it was good. Deal went through. All good, all good.” He switched the focus. “And thanks for the charm, by the way. That was really sweet,” he said with genuine affection.

“Oh, no problem,” replied Alec, brushing it off. “It was just, you know…” Alec trailed off without answering, but a part of Magnus did know. “Anyway! There was actually a reason I was calling.”

“Oh, really? Saturday night booty call?” Magnus guessed suggestively, lowering his tone to a sultry whisper.

“Well, no… I mean  _ yes _ ! I mean… Well, that would be  _ great _ , but…” Alec paused to take a breath. “I actually was wondering if you wanted to spend Christmas with me and my family this year at my apartment?”

There was a long silence in which Magnus could hear his own heart beat.

“I mean, if you want,” Alec continued. “It's just that, you always said you didn't really do anything for Christmas and I thought… I don't know… that maybe you would like to… with me.” He finished with a note of hope in his voice and Magnus’ heart almost broke.

“Alexander, I…” he began.

“Don't worry if you don't want to. It's probably stupid. It's just…” he trailed off, unable to find the words.

“I'm actually busy this Christmas,” Magnus lied.

“Oh,” came the reply. “No worries, that's okay. It was just a thought.”

“No, it was nice. It's just, I'm busy so…”

“Yeah, totally.” Alec finished, “I get it.” 

There was an uncomfortable silence until Magnus decided to end the dying conversation.

“Actually, I better go Alec. I've left Raphael and he's shooting dagger eyes at me.” A believable lie.

“Oh, no problem. So will I see you later?” he asked hopefully.

“I'm not sure. I'm pretty tired from yesterday. Maybe some other time.” The tone had changed dramatically with that sentence and Magnus could hear the hurt in Alec's voice.

“Okay. Sure,” he replied, his voice small.

“Night, Alec.” 

“Night,” he said finally.

←X→

Magnus didn't sleep well that night. He had ended up taking the hot bartender home, but he was too in his own head to enjoy getting fucked. He didn't even let the man stay the night, not feeling his usual hospitable self.

He awoke alone to an eerie glow in the room. He checked his phone to see if it had lit up. The screen was dark. Checking the time, he saw it had just turned midnight.

He sat up in his bed trying to find the source. The room should have been pitch black, but there in the corner sat the ghostly figure of his recently deceased business partner, Hodge Starkweather.

Magnus shuffled back, pressing against the headboard, his eyes wide with shock.

“I'm dreaming,” he whispered. “This is just too many margaritas making up some shit in my mind,” he told himself.

The figure rose and walked towards him. Magnus’ faced paled in fear. Hodge had died two years ago in a boating accident. This couldn't be happening. This had to be a dream.

Suddenly the figure spoke. “Magnus, my friend. You haven't changed a bit,” he smiled sadly before his face contorted into a frightening mask, “but you should,” he continued. “Our lives were nothing but hedonism.” His face drew closer and Magnus shrank before him. “You must change your ways,” he warned.

Somehow Magnus managed to find his voice, “But... But you died on a boat full of gorgeous models. What's wrong with that? You were happy!”

Hodge shook his head wearily. “You and I both know the truth. I am as hollow in death as I was in life.” His face was mere inches from Magnus and cold air radiated from him, permeating Magnus and sending a chill down his spine.

“Get out,” he said quietly before raising his voice. “Get  _ out _ !”

The spirit moved back, but did not leave. “Magnus Bane, you do not know the weight and length of the strong chain you bear. It will follow you in death; you will never be rid of it as I never will.” His somber silhouette began to fade. “Tonight you will be visited by three spirits. Expect the first ghost at one…” 

Not long after, the spirit faded into nothing and Magnus was left with his dark room again.


	2. Ghost of Christmas Past

          “A dream,” Magnus said out loud to himself.

Now that he was awake, he shook off the weirdness from the night and pulled out his laptop. He may as well get some work done. As soon as it powered up, his laptop began to bing with a series of unopened messages from Alec and other sexual conquests. He thought about messaging one for a quick fuck, but decided against it— it was Christmas Eve after all and he wasn't really in the mood. He e-mailed his assistant, Raphael Santiago, with instructions for the rest of the week at the office. Magnus decided to escape the chilly-cold of New York and spend the holidays abroad in the sun where it was always warm, the cocktails were always cool and the men and women were sex on tap. He would leave his business responsibilities to his staff for a week of relaxing bliss. Somewhere around the 3rd page of instructions, Magnus started to drift. He powered off the laptop and slid down into bed.

Stupid dreams… He kept the bedside lamp on anyway.

←X→

          Magnus jolted awake to the sound of someone violently coughing. He blinked open his eyes, vision blurring, as he tried to take in his surroundings in confusion.

“Fucking kids next door.”  The coughing only continued.

He bolted upright, hitting the wall with his fist behind the headboard, then he grasped at the sheets around him. His heart rate accelerated when the bedside lamp began to flicker. Magnus swallowed in fear. The room had gotten so cold to the point where he could see his own breath in front of him. ‘Just a dream,’ he repeated over and over again in his head. ‘Not real.’

          “Magnusss,” a faint voice whispered. He squeezed his eyes closed and pulled the blanket close to his body for protection.

          “Not real. This isn’t real,” he began to murmur out loud, trying to convince himself.

          “Magnussss,” the voice repeated, getting closer.

          “It’s a fucking dream. Get your shit together, Bane.” Magnus took a steadying breath and slowly blinked open his eyes.

          “BOO!”

          Magnus pushed back in his bed, screaming uncharacteristically, until he found his footing to jump off. His heart pumped erratically as he tried to gather himself from the floor.

          A throaty laughter was heard, followed by more violent coughing. “Calm down, Mags. You knew I was coming.” Before him, Ragnor cleared his throat, his coughing stopped for the time being.

          Magnus felt the color drain from his face, almost ready to pass out. “You’re dead. You’re not real.”

          “Oh, I can assure you I’m very real,” Ragnor said as he walked over to Magnus  and pinched his arm hard..

          “Ouch!” Magnus rubbed his arm where he felt the pinch before whipping his head to the _thing_ in front of him.” W-W-Wha-W-W-What t-th— ” Magnus trembled as he blindly searched for words, but failed.

Magnus’ head was swimming as he watched his best friend start to snoop around his bedroom.

Vigilantly watching, Magnus repeated, “Why are you here Ragnor? You’re dead!” Some of his bravery returned as right now he felt like he was sent here purely to mock him.

          “I am here to educate you, old friend. Take my hand for I am the Ghost of Christmas Past and we have a journey of redemption to take.” Ragnor spoke softly as he extended his hand to Magnus.

          Magnus kept his arms firmly by his sides. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

          “Humor me,” Ragnor said with a bored sigh.

          Magnus hesitated for a moment before he rolled his eyes; this was a terrible dream. He placed his hand in his friends ice cold grip. Magnus felt a blast of energy the moment his hand connected with Ragnor’s. He could feel the electrical current run through him. Seeing the blinding blue light surround them, Magnus closed his eyes tightly and held his breath unsure of what to expect next.

          “Hold on tight, old friend, this is going to be the trip of a lifetime,” Ragnor shouted over the sound of objects flying around the room and wind whooshing around them.

←X→

          They came to an abrupt stop. Ragnor let go of Magnus’ hand causing him to fall backwards, stumbling to the ground unsteadily on his feet.

          He looked at Ragnor as he brushed down his Armani pajama pants with a scowl. “Thanks.”

          “You’re welcome,” Ragnor quipped in return.

          “Where are we? Wait is that...” Magnus walked over to the golden gate leading into a beautifully maintained garden. It was his mother's pride and joy before she had passed away, leaving Magnus alone with his father Asmodeus. The garden looked completely different to how it was now; Magnus hadn’t seen it look like this in years. The gate should be old and rusted, the garden long forgotten and overgrown with weeds. The garden itself sat to the back of Bane Enterprises, his father's multimillion dollar company that Magnus now worked at and would later in life run. Magnus hadn’t been able to bring himself to go in since his mother died.

“What is this?” Magnus questioned. “Why would you bring me here?”

          “These are the shadows of things that have been. That they are what they are. Do not blame me,” Ragnor replied before he began to walk towards the entrance to Bane Enterprises.

          “What the fuck kind of answer is that? Is that even English?” Magnus spat and followed after Ragnor.

Once inside the building, they rode up to the penthouse in the elevator to terrible  music. Magnus groaned and rubbed at his eyes, he definitely wasn’t drunk enough for this shit. The lift opened up to a party in full swing with loud music, alcohol, circus acts and dancers. Magnus’ father had gone all out; he was big on keeping up with appearances and New York's elite.

“My 21st birthday party?” Magnus asked, though he really didn’t have to-- it was obvious.

          Ragnor only nodded in agreement. A waiter walked by with a tray full of champagne and Magnus made to reach for one, but his hand went straight through the tray like a ghost.

          Magnus looked at Ragnor alarmed. “Holy fuck, am I dead?” Magnus asked in panic.

          “Yes,” Ragnor replied, leaving Magnus stunned before he burst out laughing. “No, of course not, but you are on a spiritual awakening of sort, so for the rest of the night, no one will be able to see or hear you, much like a ghost, old friend.” Ragnor smirked. It was clear to Magnus he was rather enjoying Magnus’ pain at being unable to drink.

          “Okay, so it’s my 21st birthday, I can’t drink so why is this important in this so called redemption?” Magnus asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Wait, I thought you were the Ghost of Christmas Past? My birthday is in the beginning of December, not the end.”

          Ragnor stopped walking and turned to face Magnus with a look of impatience, eyes rolling slightly. “I _am_. It’s a loose term, Magnus. You’ve been a bad boy all year round, not just at Christmas.”

          Magnus could only shrug— he had a point.

          “This right here,” Ragnor lifted an arm gesturing around the room. “This is the night that everything changed.” Ragnor disappeared, leaving Magnus alone. ‘What the fuck now?’ he huffed.

          Magnus walked around his party observing everyone around him, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to be seeing in terms of bad behavior. He had been walking around for what felt like hours and he still hadn’t even seen himself. His father was laughing and dancing with his mother. He stared at his mother and the smile on her face as they swayed to the music.

Alec was here. How could Magnus have forgotten? Alec had started at Bane Enterprises around 3 months prior to this night. He was shy and quiet and Magnus had been in charge of showing him the ropes of the business. They quickly became good friends. This was way before their friends with benefits arrangement had started. Alec looked pretty much the same, but more awkward and lanky. He definitely got better with age.

Suddenly, Magnus remembered this night and exactly how he spent it. Smirking to himself, he left the party and headed to the lobby where two leather couches sat by a reception desk that was now empty. Magnus thought immediately about Abby, the busty receptionist, and one of Magnus’ fuck buddies in present day. Magnus’ breath caught and he stood still, unable to move when he heard himself laugh, or more precisely, his past self, finally.

He looked at the couches where he was lying on his back, his feet resting upon Alec's legs. The two of them had a bottle of champagne between them; no glasses, just the bottle being passed between them. Magnus couldn’t make out exactly what was being said, but the laughing and smiling must have meant they had a good time together. Suddenly, they were disappearing into thin air before his very eyes.

“What the fu—” Magnus turned to see Ragnor standing behind him.

          “He’s a sweetheart, Mags,” Ragnor said before walking away. Magnus got the impression he was supposed to follow him.

          Magnus shrugged and started following his friend. “He’s clingy.”

          The spirit shook his head and Magnus could see the disappointment in his eyes. He tried to shake it off. It’s a look that even in death, still chilled Magnus to the bone.

Ragnor raised his hand, pointing to the dance floor. Magnus followed his gaze and was met with the sight he’d tried so hard to block from his memory over the years. Dancing in a sea of bodies, the center of everyone's attention just like it had always been with her, the beautiful, smart and sexy Camille Belcourt, the girl that he would fall head over heels for this very night.

          He stood beside Ragnor and watched as his past self asked her to dance. God, he looked so pathetic. He felt his anger boil through his body as he watched himself laugh as a smirking Camille grinded against him to the beat of the music. Magnus wished he could slap some sense into himself and tell him not to get involved with the deviously, vindictive harlot.

He watched the she-devil whisper into his ear and take his hand, leading him out of the party. He knew exactly where they were going: his father's office where they would have hot, passionate sex against the closed door. It would be the first time Magnus had ever slept with anyone he wasn’t in a loving relationship with, but he remembered how tempting and irresistible Camille had been to his 21-year-old self. He stood outside the office door and could hear himself and Camille giggling inside. He regretted the feelings, never the sex.

Magnus looked towards Ragnor who was frowning in disapproval. “Come on, Rags, are you seriously telling me you would pass up on that ass at 21?” Magnus raised his eyebrow in a challenging manner.

          “I would if I had a better option waiting for me in the lobby,” Ragnor said as they faded away from the office and returned to the lobby where Alec sat alone on the couch .

          “I didn’t even know he was gay back then!” He fired back, his jaw set, but his eyes betraying his guilt. “Take me away from here,” Magnus murmured to Ragnor.

          “You sure you’ve seen enough?” Ragnor questioned.

          Magnus scowled at Ragnor before letting out a bitter laugh. “It’s really quite pathetic if you think about it. There are hundreds of people at the party. He could have been off having some fun, like I clearly was,” Magnus said to Ragnor with a hint of venom in his voice, the situation clearly rattling him.

          Ragnor extended his hand and Magnus grasped it without thought. Once again, they were caught in a world wind of blue light and wind. This time, Magnus did not close his eyes.

←X→

          When they stopped, they were outside of Magnus’ old apartment, an apartment he had purchased in upstate New York for himself and Camille on their one year anniversary. Magnus saw his past self, holding a dozen red roses walk towards the elevator which would take him to the penthouse apartment. Magnus closed his eyes in pain.

          “Please, not this night. Please,” he whispered.

          “I’m sorry, old friend, but these are the moments in time that have changed you and affected who you have become today. If you want to change your ways, then you must visit these times and learn where you went wrong.” Ragnor’s voice began to fade as he once again disappeared leaving Magnus to try and figure out what he had done. Magnus found himself outside of his apartment. His hand trembled as he reached for the door handle, but stopped once he realized he couldn’t interact with it and stepped through the door. He knew what he would see upon entering the apartment. He followed his past self inside and watched as the roses fell to the floor. Camille was being fucked from behind right in the living room by Magnus’ father. Magnus watched as his past self stilled in shock, watching Camille moan in pleasure as Asmodeus pounded into her grunting.

          “W-What the… Wha—” Magnus watched himself stutter out pathetically.

          Camille was first to look up in shock. “M-Magnus!” She moaned out. Asmodeus, Magnus’ father, let out a loud grunt and pulled away, doing up his pants and belt, showing no sign of remorse, only anger at being interrupted before the end. Magnus still couldn't even look Camille in the eyes even after all this time. His past self had them trained on the wall, his own eyes were drilled on his father who now knew wore a smirk.The taunting smile was clear in his eyes. Magnus wanted to lunge for him, but his feet remained glued to the floor, knowing there was nothing he could do now. Asmodeus walked past them, slapping Camille’s bare ass. It was a bold move considering what he had just been caught doing and Magnus understood now that his father was a selfish, cruel man. It was shortly after this day that he found out how badly his mother had been treated by not just his affairs, but by his own hands. Asmodeus showed that he really did not give a shit who he hurt and would welcome the rise he got from even his own son Magnus.

          “She’s a keeper, Mags. See you Monday.” Asmodeus tried to taunt another reaction before he walked out. Magnus watched himself try to go after him, the anger surfacing inside, but Camille moved over, still naked, and took a vice grip on his wrist preventing him from attacking.

          “Mags, baby,” Camille said in a baby voice with a pout. It was a look that usually worked, but this time, Magnus didn’t buy it. He looked on proudly as his past self stood up for himself. It was the first time and it was a shame it had been too late.

          “Don’t you dare. How could you do this?” Past Magnus asked in disbelief.

          “Oh, come on, baby. It was just a little fun, can’t we just forget it?” Camille asked rolling her eyes and turning her back to both versions of Magnus, making her way over to the sofa and sitting, downing the remnants from her champagne flute.

          “What? No we can’t. You just had my father's dick in your ass,” Magnus said in astonishment.

          “Fuck sake, Mags, it's just sex. It’s not like we’re married,” Camille snickered. Magnus watched his past self fight back the tears. He couldn’t even think now when had she become so cold and cruel. Maybe she should be in his shoes right now, looking back on her sad and miserable life.

          “We’ve been living together for 3 months, in a relationship for over a year— how could you? We might not be married, but he is and he’s my fucking _father_ , you whore.”

          Camille’s eyes turned dark and within moments, she was off the sofa and in front of past Magnus. She slapped him hard against the face. Magnus put his hand to his cheek and closed his eyes. To this day could still remember the ghost of that sting. “This ‘Good boy, I love you so much, angel,’ attitude was fun at first, but now it’s just pathetic. I need a real man, not this sorry, emotional excuse for one,” Camille spat out.

          “I loved you,” Magnus whispered along with his past self, looking at himself, trying to provide some kind of comfort to his younger self as he watched the tears finally spilling.

          “Love is fleeting,” Camille smirked. “Be gone by the time I’m out of the shower, won’t you?” With those final cruel words, she sauntered away, leaving Magnus to collapse to the floor in tears a broken man.

          After Magnus had watched the entire seen unfold, he began to feel all the emotions once again flood him as he watched his former self break down.

“This was one of the worst nights of my life after my mother’s death. Why did you show me this?” Magnus growled. He could feel Ragnor’s presence behind him.

          “You know why,” Ragnor answered before putting his hand upon Magnus’ shoulder and transporting them, yet again

←X→

          This time, Ragnor stopped outside one of Magnus’ favorite clubs, Pandemonium. They walked inside to find a very drunk past Magnus’ drowning his sorrows at the bar. Magnus wasn’t entirely sure, but he thought it was maybe around 2 weeks after his split from Camille. He doesn’t really remember much from that period; it was an alcohol induced blur.

          “Yeah, yeah, I know. Find out where I went wrong,” Magnus grumbled.

          Ragnor looked almost sorry before he faded away. Magnus sat on the stool beside himself at the bar. God, he looked a mess. Why had he let that bitch have that type of effect on him? He watched as Past Magnus pulled out his phone, scrolling until he found Alec's number and hit call. Alec answered almost immediately.

          “Hello, Mags?” Alec asked, the concern clear in his voice.

          “Alexander, darling. How are you on this fine evening?” Magnus slurred out.

          “Mags, are you drunk? Where are you? I’m coming to get you.” Hearing him now sober, Magnus hadn’t realized how worried Alec had been that night.

Magnus shook his head as his past self giggled to mask the sadness. “J-Just a little, handsome,” he hiccupped. “I have no one to dance with. Pandemonium is horrible without her,” Past Magnus murmured.

          “M— nus c— you —r me?” Alec was breaking up before the line went dead. Knowing what Alec was like, he knew he must be worried when it cut off. Magnus watched as he just picked up his whiskey and downed it before heading to the bathroom for a quick piss before leaving.

          Getting up from the stool, he followed his past self to the bathroom knowing already what he would witness. Opening the door slowly, he saw himself splash water over his face, his resolve wearing thin as his bottom lip trembled as if he was ready to cry.

          “Hey.” Younger Magnus jolted and spun around to face a beautiful, tall man with dark hair and brown eyes, he looked a little like Alexander if you could ignore the English accent. He watched the man move so close to himself that they were almost touching. “I’ve been watching you all night from across the bar.” He pushed Magnus’ hair to the side. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” the man smirked. Magnus knew the look on his own face; the thoughts that raced through his mind most nights after this one.

          Camille calling him a ‘good boy’ and ‘pathetic’ ran through his head, and before his drunk brain could catch up with what he was doing, he was surging forward and kissing the complete stranger. He watched as his former self took control and backed the man into a bathroom stall and kicked the door closed behind without breaking the kiss.

Magnus stood outside of the cubicle, unable to see behind the door, but the memory was still clear in his mind. Closing his eyes and pressing his head to the door, he knew this was the beginning of so many one night stands. He almost wished now that it hadn’t felt so good, that it still didn’t feel that good.

          “Shouldn’t we exchange names or something?” he heard the stranger moan.

          “Does it really matter?” Magnus grunted. He chuckled from the other side of the door. It never mattered.

          “No, not really. I’m already prepped, gorgeous, just slide on in.”

          Magnus remembered just how cocky the guy had been. Looking back, it was pretty sick how he’d already prepped himself, knowing how easy he’d get a go with him, but he had been okay with that at the time if it meant getting off and forgetting for a little while.

All that could be heard were grunts and groans. In honesty, it didn’t last all that long, but he still had some pride in his old self to hear that the stranger finished first.

Magnus watched as his past self exited the stall and wiped his face with cool water. He followed him as made his way out of the bathroom and saw Alec standing at the bar arguing with the bartender.

          “Alexander?” He asked stupidly.

          “Jesus, Mags, you worried the shit out of me. Your call just cut off. Are you okay?” Alec asked looking disheveled. Magnus took a moment to look over him, his mind now appreciating his body. Even now, all this time ago he looked good. He’d come a long way since his 21st birthday. Mentally, he scolded himself. When did he become so shallow?

          “I am now,” Past Magnus smiled lazily.

          “Come on, let's get you home,” Alec said as he wrapped his arm around Magnus’ waist.

          “Hey, what's this?” Past Magnus asked as he tried to look at something clipped to Alec’s sweater.

          “Oh, nothing” Alec ripped it off his sweater and tried to put it in his back pocket before exiting the club. The item fell from his pocket, unbeknownst to Alec.

          Ragnor picked it up and passed it to Magnus.

It was a large, handmade badge reading, ‘Happy Birthday Alec.’ Magnus looked at Ragnor, blood draining from his face.

“He’s quite a boy, that one. He left his family on his birthday dinner to race across town and make sure you were okay. He certainly deserves to be in love with a better man than you,” Ragnor said.

          “He’s not— He _can’t_ … Why?” Magnus felt himself sweat.

          “Take my hand,” Ragnor smiled, but it didn’t hold any happiness. Magnus closed his eyes and grasped his hand tightly.

←X→

          “Here we are, the last stop with me, old friend,” Ragnor stepped away from Magnus. “Go on then, you know what you have to see here.”

          Magnus looked towards his friend. “You knew?” He asked unable to look him in the eyes.

          “In death, we see everything,” Ragnor replied before disappearing into the night.

          Magnus took a steadying breath as he walked up the red brick townhouse steps to Ragnor and Catarina’s home. He let himself in and watched his past self and Catarina getting drunk together on whisky and giggling into the night. He tried to look away and was met by a frustrated looking Ragnor.

          “You have to watch. You have to see in order to change,” Ragnor grumbled.

          Magnus pried open his eyes and forced himself to watch as his past self made a drunken move on his best friend’s fiancé, his best friend who was at that time in the hospital on his deathbed. He watched as they ripped at each others clothing. He heard the moans and grunts between them, he watched them pass out drunk in front of the old, wood burning fire. He watched as they awoke in the night to a call from Ragnor’s doctor saying he had taken an unexpected bad turn and passed in the night. He watched as Catarina sobbed and wouldn’t even look at him, the guilt clear in her eyes. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, opening them again in time to see his scenery had changed and he then watched as the coroners removed the body of his best friend from the bed.

Magnus felt like he couldn’t breathe. He collapsed to the ground and took in ragged breaths.

          “Do you see the consequences of your actions old friend? These are the shadows of things that have been. That they are what they are. Do not blame me,” Ragnor spoke, sadness clear in his voice.

          Magnus surprised himself as he was starting to cry uncontrollably now, all the events he’d witnessed running through his mind. “Get me away from this place. I can’t handle it, please. P-Please. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I—”

There was a blast of light and suddenly Magnus was back in his bedroom on the floor crying alone. The time on the clock hadn’t changed since he left at 1am, and Ragnor’s words echoed through his mind in warning.


	3. Ghost of Christmas Present

          Magnus slid out a shaky breath as he tried to calm himself. He brought the heels of his hands to his red eyes and rubbed hard. His mind wandered back to his 21st birthday and the damage he had caused Alec. He thought about him leaving his own birthday party to be there for Magnus, but received no comfort in return. He hadn't realized it before but now he had seen the sadness in his best friends eyes; a friend whose trust he betrayed. He looked down at his shaking hands.

Swallowing one last time, he stood up on wobbly legs. Walking into the bathroom he turned on the hot tap to wash his face, he stepped into his slippers that in hindsight he should have put on earlier. The cold had permeated the entire room from the moment Ragnor had arrived and still lingered now that he had gone.

The hot water felt amazing on his tear-stained face. Tonight's events made his brain reel; Magnus just needed a moment to relax and climb into bed. The clock on his night table was stuck on 1am; he really should get to bed. He just hoped Ghost Hodge and Ragnor didn’t actually mean it when they said there would be others visiting him tonight. Looking back at his past made his brain hurt, but he couldn’t help who he was.

Dabbing his face with a clean towel, he felt something brush against his leg and on instinct he jumped back, arms forming a rookie karate position. His heart pounded as he scanned the empty room. He swallowed nothing down his dry throat as his eyes searched his bathroom. “I-I will _hurt_ you,” he said. Could he even touch a ghost without consent?

A soft meow came from below him. Magnus’ head whipped down to see Chairman by his feet, looking up at him. He meowed again and brushed his body against Magnus’ legs again. His heart leapt and pumped in relief as he bent down to rub behind his cat’s ears. “Chairman, you little devil,” he gasped. “This fucking paranoia is going to kill me I swear…”

          “Language, Magnus Bane.”

          Magnus jumped back onto his feet, scaring Chairman Meow. He was certain that those words were not spoken out of his cat’s mouth. His karate stance was back, but his arms were shaking. The night kept getting worse. Rounding the corner out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom, he saw a figure leaning against the wall by the door.

His heart broke as he stared at the ghost in his bedroom. “Jocelyn?” he spoke softly. The last time he saw her was at her funeral in that drab coffin; she looked so peaceful in that elegant white gown, the one she was now wearing.

          Jocelyn smiled, pushed off the wall and walked his way in that calming, motherly stride she always had. He was too stunned to be scared and move back. “Hi, Magnus. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I had hoped I would be around much longer for you and my daughter.”

          He nodded and swallowed. After his mother died, Jocelyn had become the one he looked up to. She could never replace her, but she became very dear to his heart, especially after Camille broken it. When Jocelyn was hit by a speeding car and died, Clary, her daughter, was a mess. He shook his head and looked Jocelyn over with his eyes again. He wanted to reach out and touch that white gown that fit her so beautifully, but he resisted the urge in case it really was a dream. “I guess I can’t say it’s a dream anymore, can I? Especially after what Ragnor showed me. My mind wouldn’t just magically bring all that up again, would it?”

          She shook her head softly and reached out a hand which he took shakily into his. It was cold, like Ragnor’s. “You need penance and we are here to show you the way so you don’t live out a cold, lonely, young life. Not many receive this gift, Magnus. We truly hope you take this opportunity to change your ways.” Her soft, sad eyes burned into him.

          “What are you?” Magnus asked as he looked over her.

          “A spirit who has come to guide you.”

Magnus shook his head, he had kind of got that by now. “No, I mean, Ragnor said he was the Ghost of Christmas Past. What’s your title?”

          She smiled softly again as if it hurt her to speak the words. “The Ghost of Christmas Present. I’m here to show you the pain you’ve caused happening right now. Tonight.”

          Pulling back his hand, he took a step back. “How could I have caused pain tonight when all I’ve been doing is revisiting memories? Years ago, I understand I was kind of an ass, but I’ve changed since then, right?”

          Sighing, Jocelyn circled around his room. “No, you haven’t. The hurt these people are feeling was started many years ago, yes, but it is reinforced every time they see you. Hopefully you’ll continue to see your mistakes.”

She stopped in front of a picture laying on his dresser. “I’ve seen my past. I know what I’ve done was wrong, but I was in pain too. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

          “Your pain is not your problem,” she spoke authoritatively. “The misery you bring upon others, through it, _is_.” She ran a hand over the picture in front of her. “She looks young here, my daughter.”

          Magnus stopped beside her and nodded. The picture was of himself and Clary just before his heart was crushed. He supposed that was taken before the start of his downfall that Ragnor showed him earlier and back when Clary had been happy. “I haven’t spoken to her in awhile, but she’s doing okay now. I think...”

          Jocelyn hummed. “I watch over her every moment I can. I try to do the same for you, Magnus, which is why I’m here right now.” She turned towards him. “Speaking of, shall we go? You have much to see tonight with me, and much to see after I am gone.”

          Taking a deep breath, he nodded and grabbed her hand, blue suddenly swirling around them.

← X →

          He immediately knew where he was.

His office building was dark save for a single light by his office. Since he was the Big Boss of Bane Enterprises, Magnus had the luxury to do as he pleased without any repercussions or backtalk from those in position under him. For the holiday’s, Magnus had taken a week off from work and pushed all his paperwork onto his assistant, Raphael. After the drinks they had earlier, he knew Raphael had to go back to the office to finish some work.

As he and Jocelyn came closer to the light, he spotted Raphael sat at his desk just outside Magnus’ office. There were piles of paperwork that needed signatures and reading over, but Magnus hadn’t thought it was _that_ much. Maybe he should’ve given half to Rachel or that new girl. Turned out, she was pretty good at fucking _and_ filing.

          “It’s Christmas Eve, Magnus and yet Raphael is stuck here doing _your_ work.” Jocelyn was somewhere behind him so her voice was quite. It brought him out of his head and back to the scene unfolding in front of him. “Had you thought of Raphael’s family? Or whether or not he has a life outside of work?”

          Magnus huffed and looked over his shoulder at her. “I _know_ he has a family. I’m his _friend_ , remember? He has a sister... or something. Who, in case you were wondering, is unfortunately not that hot.”

          “ _Magnus_ ,” Jocelyn said, disappointment in her voice, “he doesn’t have _just_ a sister. If you’d taken the time to learn about him instead of just telling him about yourself, you’d find that his sister is very sick and doesn’t have much time left. She’s alive, but it’s very hard for her to do everyday things. Rosa has terminal cancer and Raphael is the only one in his family left to take care of her. He’s the only one with the resources to pay for her hospital bills and is her sole caretaker. The worst thing about him being here is he’s not getting paid overtime because you don’t look at your workers time sheets, nor do you care; as long as the work is done and you don’t feel the pressure from your clients.”

          Body going cold, he looked at Raphael again who looked frantic trying to review the pages on his desk. It didn’t occur to Magnus that someone he worked beside every day— someone who he thought he could call a friend— had a major role outside of work.

When he looked back over his shoulder again, Jocelyn was gone. He sighed and looked back at Raphael before deciding to walk closer. For once, he didn’t focus on the work on his assistant’s desk. Instead, he studied Raphael’s face. The tension and stress was evident in the lines on his forehead and the bags under his eyes. Magnus could easily put the blame on Raphael and say he shouldn’t have stayed so late today, but how could he when he piled so much on Raphael’s desk before leaving work early today? Before his night was interrupted by Hodge, he had plans to visit a bar or strip club to pick up some hot hunk or busty babe. He hadn’t thought of what his actions caused, but that was the point of all this, wasn’t it?

A blaring sound rung out into the quiet room. As if on instinct, Raphael rustled around his desk. “Where the hell is it?” he asked in frustration to no one. When he located his cell phone, he immediately brought it to his ear. “Rosa, hi. Are you okay?”

Magnus couldn’t hear what she said, but Raphael’s facials softened and he looked down guiltily.

          “I-I know, Rosa,” he replied softly. “I’m really sorry. I’ll try to leave soon. I just have so much to get done by the 26th and Magnus won’t be here so all the responsibility is on me. I can’t get fired because of this, you know how Magnus can be. I need to care for you.” Raphael nodded even though his sister couldn’t see him. Magnus watched with vigilant eyes. “I know,” he said again. “ _What_?” He looked down at the watch wrapped around his wrist. “Shit. I didn’t even realize it was 1am. I’ll try to get away from the office for a couple hours, but I don’t know how that’s going to happen. It's looking like an all nighter here. I don’t think I can make it to dinner tomorrow… I know I missed dinner tonight too. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I can do.”

Magnus turned away and looked out towards the darkness of the office. How could he cause so much pain for the Santiagos? _He_ had done that. Raphael won’t be with his family as he should be. His sick sister who could pass away at any moment and she didn’t have nearly enough time with her brother because of _him_.

          “Jocelyn,” he called out. “Please, get me away from here.”

          She appeared out of thin air and reached out her hand which he gladly took.

          “I know, Rosa, I love you too and Merry Christmas. Don’t wait up for me.”

← X →

          The wind rustled around them as they appeared on a dark road. A tall apartment building was in front of him. It looked familiar, but Magnus couldn’t place it until he walked into the lobby with Jocelyn.

It wasn’t so much the furniture he remembered— because he never really stopped to look at it— but the wall by the elevator where he pushed Alexander up against the wall to kiss him during one of their night’s together.

          “Why are we here? I talked to Alexander already tonight. He was fine. Why are we here?” he asked again.

          Jocelyn pushed them towards the opened elevator that just so happened to be going to Alec’s floor. Magnus was careful to not touch the two giggling girls, but Jocelyn didn’t bat an eye at them. “We’re here because you need to see what you’ve done to him. Remember, Magnus, this isn’t the past or the future, but right now: the present. This is how he feels when you let him down.”

They walked off and the couple in the elevator with them rushed happily into their apartment. One of the girl's eyes sparkled and wiggled her eyebrows as her girlfriend giggled and playfully rolled her eyes. Magnus had to look away.

When they reached apartment 4B, Magnus’ heart raced. After Ragnor told him Alec was probably in love with him, it hadn’t clicked in his head properly, but standing here now rushed those feelings through his body and he was suddenly nervous. Alec really doesn’t feel that way, he couldn’t. Jocelyn took his hand and pulled him through the closed door.

          “What the hell,” he gasped as a tingle went through his body. “Are you sure I’m not dead?” He just walked through a _wall_.

She glanced back at him once they were on the other side. “You’re not dead.” He patted his body down just to make sure he was still there. He even cupped his dick to ensure everything was there.

          “Oh, Magnus,” she sighed with a shake of her head. He shrugged as they moved down the hall to the main living space.

The TV was on low in the middle of a commercial. The Christmas tree was the only thing lit, besides the television, in that room. It was beautifully decorated with tinsel, ornaments and changing lights. There wasn’t many gifts under it and he wondered why. Maybe Alec already had a gathering with his family. When he crouched down, there were three boxes under it in beautiful, sparkling-blue gift wrap. He glanced at the first one and saw his name written on the tag.

Alec had gotten him a gift? Magnus turned to the other two and read his name on them too.

          ‘To, Magnus. Love, Alec (your Alexander),’ they read.

Not just one gift, but three. Guilt spread through him. He hadn’t gotten Alec anything. In fact, he hadn’t even thought of him.

Why would Alec do that? They were friends, yeah, but they weren’t _that_ close. At least, Magnus hadn’t thought they were. They’ve never given gifts to each other before. Do fuck buddies even do that?

          “Because he obviously loves you, Magnus,” Jocelyn spoke.

Magnus grunted frustratedly, “Would you get _out_ of my head?”

          Jocelyn shook her head, “I’m here to make you realize your faults. That is one way I can truly know if you’re accepting your part in all this.”

          “I _am_ —” A crash came from the kitchen followed by a loud curse. Magnus stood hastily onto his feet and rushed through the opening into the next room. “Alexander?” he called out. In that moment, he forgot there would be no reply. He just needed to make sure he was okay.

Instead, he watched Alec crouch onto the floor with a broom and dust pan to collect the broken, glass plate littering the kitchen floor. Alec brushed the shards onto the pan and sighed as he had to reach over to the far away ones. His hand brushed against Magnus’ foot, but it disappeared through it.

Magnus sighed and squatted down next to him. He wanted to push some shards towards the dust pan, but he knew Alec wouldn’t see it.

          Alec tossed out the broken plate and reached into a cabinet to grab a bowl. Magnus hovered over his shoulder as he scooped the Kraft macaroni and cheese into the new bowl, using the spoon he was stirring the pasta with.

The bowl scraped on the island as Alec slid it near a stool. Magnus watched him reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. Alec hummed, eyebrows furrowed, and tapped a few buttons on the iPhone before taking a bite of his mac and cheese.

          “ _Alec, honey,_ ” a voice ran out of the phone’s speakers, “ _It’s mom. We have some bad news_ .” She sighed and Alec turned up the volume to hear it clearer. Magnus couldn’t help but walk next to the side of the island, next to Alec. “ _Unfortunately, it looks like we won’t be flying in tomorrow morning. Flight tickets from Toronto to New York are just way too pricey for us right now with it being Christmas as all…_ ”

          “No!” The spoon Alec held dropped into the bowl, clanking onto the glass harshly. “No, no no.” He pulled the phone in front of his face a listened as his mother sighed again before a rustling sound.

          “ _Alec_ ,” a manly voice sounded. Magnus assumed it was Alec’s dad. “ _I know you’re right when it comes to flying and the prices_ — _I need to start my planning earlier. I just assumed that it wouldn’t be a problem since it worked out for you last year.”_

 _“Honey, call us— Skype us— tomorrow. Call some friends and hang out with them. I know it’s not ideal, but our hands are tied. Izzy and Max send their love, hon. Dad and I do too. We’re sorry, Merry Christmas._ ”

Alec’s face was twisted into a horribly sad expression as he tapped away on his phone, dialing his parents’ number. Magnus watched intently as Alec slumped into his seat after there was no reply.

No. Magnus would not get sucked into this. He already lied and told Alec no on the phone, he couldn't go back on it now, could he? “What does his family problems have to do with me, Jocelyn?”

          “You turned him down, remember? He’ll be alone for Christmas because you lied. No one should be alone for Christmas.”

Rolling his eyes and looking at Jocelyn who stood on the other side of the island, Magnus crossed his arms over is chest. “And what’s so wrong with that? He’ll be alone. He should go out and have fun like I will be doing.”

          Jocelyn huffed. “You don’t get it, do you? Christmas is about being next to loved ones, not about who you’re next conquest will be. That’s why he’s so upset about his family. About you. The two most important things in his life turned him down. Christmas is a day of giving yourself to those you love, but he can’t do that. Look at him, Magnus.”

          Magnus didn’t want to, but his head turned against his will, coming face-to-face with Alec. The younger man sat at the counter with his phone clutched in his hand, dialer still glowing on the face of his iPhone. The distressed expression on his face resonated inside Magnus but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He couldn’t reach out and tell him everything would be okay.

He just watched as Alec pondered his next move. He sat and looked into the silent space surrounding him— them, but he didn’t realize that. Then, when he finally made a quick flick of his hand, it startled Magnus who jumped back in response.

He watched carefully as Alec tapped on his phone and scrolled through his contacts. It wasn’t until his thumb hovered over Magnus’ name that his heart pumped erratically. His finger pressed it and he pulled the phone upto his ear.

Would Magnus even answer? Was there another Magnus _to_ answer, or was it just him floating around in whatever the hell kind of alternate universe he was in?

          “Come on,” Alec spoke softly, macaroni and cheese completely forgotten. “ _Answer._ ” There must not have been a reply because Alec huffed and his other hand came to the back of his neck, rubbing at the soft hair. “H-Hi, Magnus. I know you weren’t sure if you would come over tonight and you’re probably sleeping now… Um… But if you get this, I could really use you. Not use! Bad word choice… I mean, I kind of want to see you. Maybe… Maybe you want to see me too?” Alec shook his head and gripped his hair harder. “Okay. Give me a call when you get this please. Bye.” He pressed the end button on the call with a roll of his eyes. “‘Maybe you want to see me too?’” he repeated, disgust in his voice. “Idiot,” he sighed.

A second later, he slipped off the stool and walked through Magnus with his bowl in hand, traveling towards the living room after shutting the kitchen lights off. Magnus’ eyes took a second to adjust to the contrast in light. The TV was darker than the bright infomercial that was playing earlier when they entered, but the tree still stood proudly covered in its tinsel, family ornaments and bright, colorful lights. The whole room was decked out in Alec’s supposed Christmas spirit. The little ice skaters on his coffee table skated around the frozen lake as people watched from their benches on the side. Little children were laughing and rolling snowballs in another corner. Magnus watched them as the electricity allowed them to move.

          “Oh, I just _love_ this movie!” Jocelyn’s voice sounded from beside him as she moved around the couch Alec was now occupying. He looked sad as he scooped his probably now cold food into his mouth, eyes fixed on the man on the TV. “It’s always been one of my favorites.”

Glancing at the black and white movie, Magnus was instantly bored. “Never seen it.”

          Jocelyn eyed him over her shoulder. “I’m not surprised. It’s a Wonderful Life is a beautiful movie about seeing how incredible life is in front of your eyes. You’ll do good from watching it. You’re not much different than the main character, I believe.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow at her. “This man is about to _jump off a bridge_ to his death and you think I _relate_ to him? I’m very _happy_ with my life, unlike _him_.”

          She shook her head and walked through the couch to reach him. “I think you need to see more. Are you ready?” She held out her hand.

Sighing, Magnus took one last glance at Alec before grasping her hand.

← X →

          He definitely did _not_ recognize this place.

It was someone’s home and he was certain he’s never been there before. “Where the hell did you take me?”

          Indirectly answering his question, Jocelyn replied. “Are you ready to see yourself?”

          Picking up one of the trinkets on the fireplace, he looked over his shoulder at her. “Am I not at home sleeping?” When he turned back to the snow globe in his hand, he realized it wasn’t in his hand anymore, but magically in the exact spot where it was before he picked it up. “And I didn’t appreciate that petty trick. I was looking at that.”

          She ignored the latter part of what he said, and instead answered the beginning. “After a while, you couldn’t sleep so you went to Pandemonium like you always do.”

          The front door suddenly bursted open. Magnus almost didn’t recognize himself with his lips on the other man’s mouth. They were caught in a heated kiss as Present Magnus tugged on the guys shirt and kicked the front door closed. Magnus only got a small glimpse of the guys face when they pulled away to pull his shirt over his head.

Humming, Magnus raised an eyebrow. “At least he’s hot. I could’ve done worse tonight” Magnus felt like he was clutching at straws now to justify himself, “he reeks of whiskey though,” Magnus sniffed as he walked closer to himself and his companion, “actually that could be me,” he glanced to where Jocelyn was standing before returning his eyes to himself and this man, “Would it be going against this whole ‘journey of redemption’ thing if I said I wanted to watch?” He joked, moving his arms around in a circle towards the scene unfolding in front of them.

          “We are not here to watch. We are here to observe—”

          “Observe my faults and pain I inflict. I _know_ ,” he replied, teeth gritting.

A loud grunt brought his attention back and they both had their shirts off. Present Magnus was telling his companion they should get to the bedroom _quickly_ and the man didn’t disagree.

Magnus followed them down the dark hallway and into the dirty bedroom. As long as there was a bed, Magnus never minded the quality of space. He just wanted a good fuck out of it.

Pants were being discarded as the man toppled onto the bed with a laugh. Present Magnus crawled on top of him and ran his hands over his chest. Another man with dark hair and a tall body, it was becoming a recurring theme.

Then, a ring buzzed throughout the room. Present Magnus seemed to ignore it, but the man pulled back. “Don’t you need to get that?” he asked, voice deep and raspy.

          “Nope.” And just as fast as he asked, the man was distracted with Present Magnus’ mouth on his chest.

          Jocelyn’s voice was in his ear and it startled Magnus from his trance-like state. “Go see who it is,” she said. Her voice was ghost-like in his ear. He shivered and felt the cold run down his spine.

A second later he was peering down to his discarded jacket, where his phone had slid out. It was still ringing by the time he was able to see who was calling.

Alec’s name showed up on the caller ID. Of course it was _him_ calling. Wait…

          “Is this the call he just made from his apartment? The one after his parents called?”

          Jocelyn nodded. “Remember? You’re too busy tonight...”

          There was a loud groan from the bed and Magnus looked over. Present Magnus had the other man on his hands and knees, naked, whereas Present Magnus still had his boxers on, sucking, biting and licking around the man’s hole. The scene should turn him on, but he actually felt a little sick.

          Without warning, Jocelyn grabbed at his hand and then they were swirling in blue again until they were back in Magnus’ bedroom.

          His body felt warm again as he took a deep breath. Now, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed where Chairman glared over, disrupted from his own sleep.

          Jocelyn stood next to him and drew her hand away. She turned her back from him and towards the dresser where the picture of Clary and him stood. “I need you to promise me one thing before I leave you for your last journey of the night,” she spoke softly, ignoring what he had said. When he didn’t reply, she continued. “If you figure this out by morning— your penance— I need you to look after my Clary. She’s an adult, I know, but she is still my daughter. I’m watching her from above, I need someone to do it from down here.” She turned around to say, “But _only_ if you change your ways Magnus Bane. Otherwise, stay away from her.”

          He nodded. He cared about Clary, truly. “I-I will,” he replied just before she disappeared. He hoped he could keep his promise.


	4. Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

          Magnus was sat on the end of his bed, a glass of water in his hand. He’d meant to drink it, but hadn’t even taken a sip. Instead, he just stared into it thinking back on everything he’d seen.  It was so strange to witness himself in the present. Was he really just asleep now and the man he’d seen falling drunk into another man’s arms the reality? Or maybe that is where he’d have gone if the spirits hadn’t contacted him.

He wanted to call Alec. He’d already had to toss his phone aside to stop himself; it was still 1am, too late in the night. Finding himself smiling a little, he realized that this wasn’t the first time he’d wanted to call Alec for a reason other than sex. He just hadn’t noticed it before, but hearing Ragnor and Jocelyn speak brought the truth home to him. Not only about the way Alec felt, but also about how Magnus felt about him.

Magnus took a deep breath as a now familiar chill entered the room. Chairman Meow left his spot on the bed to go beneath and Magnus downed his water, suddenly wishing it was stronger.

          “It’s been too long,” a voice came from in front of him. Magnus knew it anywhere.

          “Valentine.” He opened his eyes and stood up slowly as he kept his eyes on his old business contact that was standing in the corner of the room. He wore all black and kept in the shadows of the dark room. If he didn’t know someone else was coming, then he’d be terrified right now. Especially of  _ this _ man. Valentine was a ruthless tyrant and old friend of his father. The two of them were as bad as each other. It was fitting that his luck had run out, no more friends to visit him. Clearly, no more messing around.

          “Let’s get this over with… Ghost of...?” Magnus looked over at the ghost as he stepped forward. There was scarring down one side of his face, signs of how he’d been killed by a competitor.

          “Christmas Yet to Come.” He smirked as he took Magnus’ hand in a tight grip. Magnus sucked in a breath as a chill ran right through him. When he opened his eyes, he was standing by the side of the road. A few cars were lined up and a few people were talking amongst themselves. Despite the fact they were all in black, there seemed to be smiles all round. 

          “Halloween?” Magnus cleared his throat and ignored the ghost rolling his eyes.

          “It’s the day before Christmas Eve.” Valentine’s chuckle was foreboding and he put his hand to Magnus’ back, pushing him closer to the procession of cars. The night was misty and damp as he pulled his arms up, shivering even though he couldn’t suffer the cold any more than what he already felt from being around the spirits. 

A blonde man was leaning on the side of a car. “I’m glad he’s gone. At least we can have some fucking peace now.” The blonde had his arm around a smaller woman with long black hair, she looked familiar. They both did.

          “Peace? Maybe for us, but now we have to pick up the pieces and Alec’s more of a mess now than he was before!” The woman pulled away from his arm and put a hand to her head in frustration. “That selfish son of a bitch is poison, even now! He got what he deserved . The fact Clary didn’t even come should tell you something and she has a heart of fucking gold.”

          Magnus swallowed, he could see the smirk still plastered to Valentine’s face. Who could they be possibly talking about? What was wrong with Alec? If this was the future, he dread to think what this meant.

          The blonde didn’t seem to calm the woman, only spurred her on with his own opinion on the matter. “ He’s barely even bothered to contact her since Jocelyn’s death. A heart attack was too good for him.” The man sighed and pushed his hair back as it slipped over his face a little. “Did Alec know about the others? He made out like  _ he _ was the only one…”

          “I don’t  _ know _ and right now, all I care about is about forgetting that horrible,  _ evil _ man.” The woman broke and put her head in her hands. The blonde took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head in comfort.  “We’ll convince him to come home with us...There’s nothing left for him here.”

          “There was never anything here to begin with. We should’ve been sterner with him,” the woman replied regretfully.

Magnus knew who they were now; he recognized them from the pictures in Alec’s apartment. It was the only thing he really paid attention to there. He’d only ever been back when he was drunk or horny. These were his siblings. 

          “Come on, Iz, we’ll give him ten more minutes.” The blonde, Jace, held the car door open for the woman, Isabelle, before getting in himself.

          “Where are we?” Magnus looked back to Valentine who didn't say a word. He simply pointed off to the side. Through the mist, Magnus could just make out a church and clenched his fists.That sense of dread went through him again and he started to walk in through the gates, taking note of a woman in a wheelchair speaking to someone, it looked like Rosa. It was clearly a funeral taking place and yet, there were more smiles than tears. These people were clearly here for the free food.

          Magnus found his legs starting to tremble as he followed the path past the supposed mourners, spotting the priest before he entered the graveyard. His breath caught in his throat as he saw two figures standing by the hill.

          Alec was one of them, tears down his cheeks and eyes red and puffy. “I don’t  _ care _ about that,” he gritted out, Raphael looked angry at him.

“Well you should. He screwed us all over and you most of all. You forget he was my friend too—”

          “We were more than friends.” Alec’s voice was breathy and close to breaking, Magnus felt a pull in his chest and looked between the two men closest to him.  “We were more than just sex.” Alec struggled to get his words out. “We were... ”

          “You weren’t. You just hoped you were.” Raphael sighed and placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder. The two of them were looking down at the hole in the ground. Alec held a single red rose, gripping it tightly.

          “If I’d been stronger, I could’ve stopped him before he turned to drugs.”

Alec looked uncomfortable and almost overcome with emotion as Raphael spoke. “It was probably his dream to die like that. Naked, high and surrounded by whores.” He moved his hand to stroke the back of Alec’s neck and pulled him into a tight hug. Alec’s body shook as he fell apart. “You can’t blame yourself for this… This was all on him and you know it.”

Alec’s voice was raspy and stuttering when he finally spoke. “I-I f-failed him.” 

          “He failed himself.” Raphael put his hand on the taller man’s head and looked close to tears himself now.

          “Valentine… Whose grave is that? Who do these people hate so much?” Magnus couldn’t understand how at a funeral, only two people seemed to care. There was a weight in the pit of his stomach. He wished he could find himself here. He wanted to be there to comfort Alec. Whoever this was seemed dear to his heart.

          “You really are clueless aren’t you, Magnus Bane.” Valentine gave him a sharp shove and Magnus gasped as he stumbled down and into the hole, yelling out angrily as he pulled himself up using the spade that was stuck in. He crawled out and stopped as he came face to face with the gravestone, his hand shakily moving to brush off the dirt that had scattered over it. Letting out a groan of distress, he stumbled back onto his ass and pushed back away from everything. The single red rose was tossed into the hole.

**_Magnus Bane_ ** **_  
_ ** **_1987 - 2020_ **

          Magnus felt sick; he felt like he was ready to throw up. This was  _ his  _ funeral and no one cared. No one cared he was gone. A ‘heart attack’, the Lightwoods had said. The things they’d said, the things Raphael had said…  How they'd described his last hours, Magnus would have been right all this time. Magnus joked about death by sex, but… He shook his head to clear his mind. “Please, can I leave this place?”

“Well, because you were so polite.” Valentine laughed and grabbed his arm, pulling him up to his feet. Everything swirled blue around him and he closed his eyes, glad to get as far away from that church as possible.

← X → 

          Magnus felt a jolt and lost his balance, as he opened his eyes he realized he was in an elevator and let out a shaky breath. “Oh, not here again, please.” He turned to plead with Valentine, but the man was already gone. He swallowed hard and stepped out as the doors opened. When he'd been here with Jocelyn, it had been upsetting. He’d been to Alec’s multiple times over the years and never had he felt so much dread as he did now, especially now that he knew he was dead in this world. 

Hearing how Alec’s siblings talked about him only made it more difficult for his feet to move down the familiar corridor. Stopping, he saw the door open. A man with blonde hair was leaving Alec’s apartment. He looked ruffled and was in the process of straightening his tie. As the door shut, Magnus found himself again and hurried, not even flinching as he went straight through the man’s leaving form. Going through the wall into Alec’s apartment, he saw only one light was on. One for the bedroom. It was a faint glow. 

          “Alexander?” Magnus walked towards the light and what he saw made his heart ache. There Alec sat on his bed, his body hunched over, arms clutched around his knees. His sobs were causing him to shake. Magnus sat down beside him on the bed, placing his arms to hover just over his back almost in the comfort he could never give.

“Alexander…” he spoke softly and flinched when Alec put his hand to his mouth suddenly, throwing the covers off and rushing to the en-suite. He was naked and Magnus could hear him throwing up. He could smell the sex in the air and remembered the look on the man’s face that left earlier. Magnus felt anger and rage bubbling. 

          “What’s this?” Valentine appeared in the doorway. “THE Magnus Bane? Jealous?” He smirked as Magnus wiped his nose with his sleeve standing from the bed. “I thought you wanted him to find entertainment elsewhere? He was far too clingy for you.”

          “Why did you bring me here?”

          “Ever get tired of saying that?” Valentine yawned and covered his mouth with his hand. “You’re here to learn what will happen if you continue the way you are. It’s a shame really. This future suits you...dead and buried while those who love you suffer...not much different to the present. You’re dead to anything but lust, and Alec is suffering the consequences. Poor Raphael, and even my dear Clarissa…”

          “Shut the hell up,” Magnus snapped and got up from the bed. He was drawn to follow Alec and knelt beside him where he was now slumped by the toilet, still sobbing with his eyes closed.

          “M-M-Magnus,” he choked out and wrapped his arms around his knees. “Why can’t I forget you..?” he spoke, voice small.

Magnus had never felt so useless. He wanted to shake some sense into Alec, wanted to stop his tears, he hadn’t even realised he wasn’t looking at his naked body, even though it was very much on display. For once, his mind was far more concerned with the pain Alec was in. “It’ll get better, my Alexander,” Magnus whispered,  letting his head rest against Alec’s forehead. Unable to touch, he let it hover , hoping he could believe his own words.

          “Please tell me he finds love.” Magnus turned to Valentine who was now in the doorway. “Tell me he’s happy now.” Alec deserved so much happiness in his future. He was the kindest and most wonderful man Magnus had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Yet again, Magnus found himself putting the mind blowing sex further down the list of qualities. His eyes were watering and it scared him just how much this whole journey seemed to be affecting him.

          “I can’t tell you what you already know deep down… Now, follow me. There’s still more to see.” 

← X → 

          Seeing Alec so sad had hurt Magnus. He’d never seen him cry, he’d seen him upset when his family let him down but he hadn’t cried. It was heartbreaking to see. Alec should never have a reason to cry.

          Magnus found himself walking up more steps then he’d ever thought of walking, where was the lift? Valentine was just ahead of him and he hadn’t said a word. It was so much more difficult having such a cold spirit to guide him. He ached to have Ragnor and Jocelyn return to him, he’d taken their visits for granted.

          “What of Raphael?” Magnus called out, he knew this wasn’t where Raphael lived. “Has he been promoted? I specifically asked in the event of my death-”

          “-Bane Enterprises dissolved and is no more. Your company is gone and your thousands of employees have lost their jobs”

Magnus snorted. “How would that even happen? It’s a multi-million dollar company that doubles profits every month!”

          “Your will was very specific. All of your money was given to my son when you signed the company over to him to pay your debts...A consequence of all your bad habits. Do you really think he’d keep a competing company going?” Valentine gave him a wink as he pushed open the door at the top of the, what seemed to be, never ending stairs. 

          Magnus remembered the deal that the Morgenstern boy had tried to barter with him in the present day, it had been ruthless and unappealing. Clearly he’d convinced him somewhere down the line when Magnus had been desperate. As Magnus reached the top step he was about to go through but heard grunting on the other side. Taking a deep breath he stepped out onto the roof space, it looked like a small seating area for residents of the building. He didn’t recognize this place.

Magnus did however, recognise the two men sprawled out on one of the seats. His blood ran cold and he looked away clenching his eyes shut, but he was unable to look away, he needed to look to be sure it was really happening.

          “See what you’ve been missing?” Sebastian Morgenstern, clearly more than just the inheritor of Magnus’ wealth was thrusting into Alec from behind, his hands gripping Alec’s hips as he went hard into him. Alec was gripping his hands into his sleeves and biting down on his lip as he panted and writhed against him.

          Magnus looked to Valentine. The man had turned away, clearly not impressed with his son’s choices. Not that he could do a damned thing about it. Neither could Magnus. The blonde made his skin crawl and he knew now this was the man who left Alec’s apartment before.

          “If it takes your mind off this situation,” Valentine said, “Raphael doesn’t have to look after his sister anymore.”

          “She recovered?” Magnus turned to him, flinching as he heard a particularly loud moan behind him. The thought of Alec with someone else should get him hot under the collar— it had with so many other lovers— but looking back now, the thought of sharing Alec had never occurred to him. He had wanted him exclusively for himself. Now he knew why. Watching him with someone else made him mad as hell and green with envy. 

          “She died,” Valentine deadpanned. “How would she recover when Raphael couldn’t afford the treatments?” The chuckle was sinister and Magnus felt the lump in his throat, stopping him from breathing properly. 

          “I don’t know what to say.” Magnus looked down in shame. He surely would’ve left his friend  _ something _ to help pay? Had he really become so cruel? His choices had only ever been selfish after Camille. He’d began living for himself at any cost. Including the happiness of his friends, the few that he even had. It made his head physically hurt as he realized he’d  _ become _ Camille; he had become everything that he hated, hurting everyone just how he himself had been hurt. 

          “Take me to Raphael… I don’t want to see Alec like this.” He glanced back and winced at the sight of Sebastian licking at his perfect skin and taking him hard. 

          “I can’t. He moved out of New York,” Valentine shrugged, leaning on a railing. “I’m not wasting the time we have travelling half way across the world.”

          “H-He moved?” It wasn’t surprising, it was just unexpected. Alec hadn’t moved back to his family; he seemed to be holding onto the memories here. ‘Oh, what shitty memories you left him,’ he scolded himself. Shivering once more, he thought now to his best friend going through his sister’s death without him, because of him. 

          “Why would he stay? His family moved back to Europe and hopefully he’s forgotten all about you,” the spirit mused and Magnus wanted to punch that look off his face. The smug bastard was enjoying this.

He gasped as he felt Sebastian walk through him and to the door, doing up his belt as he did. Turning quickly he saw Alec now standing, watching the blonde’s back, his body trembling. Didn't Sebastian know Alec was a cuddler? He growled lowly and cursed the man who clearly knew nothing about the man he was fucking.

          “Such a hypocrite,” Valentine scoffed and left through the door his son took, leaving Magnus alone with Alec who was now pacing around, tears on his cheeks. Alec was always soft as anything and happy after sex. Magnus walked over to him and was about to try and reach for his hand when Alec let out a loud yell of both despair and frustration, kicking a nearby plant pot. He shakily pulled out his phone and began typing into it before putting it to his ear.

Magnus felt awkward, out of place. He’d never felt any of these things with Alec before. The man in front of him was just a shadow of how he had been, how carefree and loving Alec was.

          “Shit, shit, shit,” Alec muttered and took a deep breath. Magnus could hear the beep of a voicemail “Jace.” His voice broke as he began to sob. “I’m sorry.” He wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve which was pulled up to his palm. “Forgive me.” He put the phone on the bench and looked out across the cityscape, walking to lean on the edge of the building. Magnus followed and leant beside him.

          It was romantic. Alec had always struck him as the romantic type. It was just a shame it was wasted on him. Closing his eyes, Magnus just listened to the heavy breathing beside him. When there was shuffling beside him, he opened his eyes and gasped as he saw Alec now stood on the ledge, looking down at the traffic below.

          “Alexander!” Magnus panicked. He couldn’t even grab him, his hands going through him every time. Magnus scrambled onto the ledge himself, teetering in front of Alec in a vain attempt to block his path. His hands hovered over Alec’s cold cheeks as the look of pain and fear in Alec’s eyes was ripping him apart inside. “Please…” his voice cracked with emotion and he was shaking as tears streamed down his cheeks.

He closed his eyes, “Please don’t do this… I’m not worth this.” Magnus wanted so badly to hold his hands, to hold him back.

          “Magnus.” 

Magnus shivered, his bottom lip quivering. Alec was looking directly at him. “Alexander…” He moved closer reaching his hand up to hold over Alec’s still beating heart. A whimpered groan left his throat as Alec moved his hand and placed it in the same place on his own chest.

          “I tried to be strong for you.” 

          Magnus swallowed down as his tears fell more rapidly now. He could see now that Alec was looking just past him. He couldn’t see him or hear him. There was no change from before. “You  _ are _ strong,” Magnus whispered out. “So much stronger than me.” Ever since Camille, Magnus had been hiding. He’d been a selfish coward afraid to let anyone in. Alec was the only one who had gotten close and he’d done nothing but push him further and further away. Even after all of it, after everything he’d put him through and everything he’d seen and heard to have happened. Alec still thought of him, still wept for him. “Alexander.” Magnus had said his name so many times and never tired of it. He opened his mouth to finally speak the words that terrified him. “I lo —”  The words were cut short as Alec very suddenly leant forward. Magnus screamed out as he fell through him and disappeared down out of sight. 

Magnus turned and crumpled to his knees on the ledge, reaching down in vain into the darkness of the city below. His cries of anguish cut through the night and his whole body was wracked with pain and sorrow. He couldn't quite believe what had happened and how powerless he was to stop it. A hand clasped his shoulder and brought him out of the darkness and despair of his own mind.

          “Why the  _ fuck _ would you show me this?” Magnus smacked away Valentine’s hand. “You’ve always been heartless! No wonder you were fucking killed!” he spat out venomously, tears following the previous tracks on his face. “Alec doesn’t deserve this ending. This isn’t right.”

          “No.” Valentine was expressionless. “This is entirely wrong.” He smirked before he gripped Magnus’ arm. Magnus tried to pull away, grabbing at the edge of the bricks; he didn’t want to leave Alec like this. He was suddenly surrounded by blue and felt a thud as he hit the hardwood floor of his bedroom, gasping out.


	5. Christmas Day

          Magnus woke up with a jolt, sitting up and looking around in the empty dark room. Had it just been a dream or had it really happened? Did it matter? Breathing in slowly he thought back to what he had seen, real or not and his chest felt tight as he remembered Raphael and his family, his closest living friend and Alec, his sweet Alexander. Pushing the covers back, he got out of bed, almost tripping over his feet as he went over to the large windows and threw back the heavy, dark curtains to reveal a slowly waking Christmas morning. 

The snow was falling down past his windows and landed on the streets several floors below, covering everything in a thick white blanket. It looked beautiful and Magnus somehow felt more energized than he had in a morning for years, even with what he experienced last night. Thinking back again to what he had heard, focusing on what Jocelyn had showed him, he bit his lip. He could fix it, Alec deserved that he at least tried. 

Excitedly running back to his bed, Magnus found his phone on the night table and quickly scrolled through his contacts until he found Raphael’s number. Inhaling slowly he looked at his name on his phone and wondered how he could have not put possibly his best friend under favorites. Pressing call he held the phone to his ear as it rang, surprised when it was picked up already on the second ring.   
  
“Yes?” Raphael’s voice was groggy, like he had maybe just woke up himself. 

          “Raphael, how are you? What are you doing?” Magnus asked, his voice not at all matching Raphael’s. 

The other end was quiet for a bit before Raphael answered, sounding almost unsure. “Eh, I’m fine. What can I help you with?” 

Magnus felt bad but he swallowed his shame and without having thought too hard about it, changed his plans. “Could you please get a hold of Clary Fairchild, her info should be on file” Magnus asked as he headed towards his bathroom, needing to get ready because, for the first time in forever, he had a ton to do on Christmas Day. 

          “Yes” Raphael replied, not even questioning the fact that Magnus called him on Christmas Day asking him to work, which wasn’t actually a good thing in Magnus’ mind now. 

          “Call her, tell her to talk to her boyfriend Jace and have him gather all of Alec’s family and bring them to the airport. Tell her to come too as well as any other boy or girlfriend they might have. After, have the private jet take them up here, they are spending Christmas with Alec” Magnus said, feeling pretty good about this, not because it would score him points with Alec but because Alec deserved to spend Christmas with his family and it felt good being able to help him have that. 

Raphael was probably nodding on the other end, writing down everything without question because that was the kind of guy he was, he just made everything happen no matter what. 

          “What are you and Rosa doing for Christmas?” Magnus asked as he stopped in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, he looked happy. 

Raphael seemed stunned again by the question and Magnus was once again reminded of how he must have treated him. “I’m working most of the day so I don’t know yet, but I will pick up something on the way home. It’ll be nice” Raphael said, but Magnus was sure he was lying. Picking take-away up on the way home after a dreadfully long shift wasn’t how you were supposed to spend Christmas Day. 

          “You are both invited to Alec’s” Magnus said, taking liberties he maybe shouldn’t, but Alec and Raphael had always been friendly and he knew Alec wouldn’t mind. “In fact, after you have sorted this for Alec’s family you can take the of the day off. Have the driver that pick the family up at the airport swing by your place and pick you up too” Magnus said with a massive smile on his face. 

The line went silent for a long moment again before Raphael talked. “Have you been drinking?” Raphael finally asked, sounding concerned. 

          “No, not at all. Take the day off and I’ll go in early tomorrow morning and sort what needs to get sorted. There is nothing so pressing it can’t wait until after Christmas Day” Magnus said and he meant it “I truly want you and your sister there, Raphael.” 

The silence after everything Magnus said started to become almost comical. “Please” Magnus added, possibly uttering that word for the first time to Raphael. 

          “Ok” Raphael answered, but Magnus could hear the doubt in his voice and Magnus swore he would work on removing that doubt in his friend.

          “Great, I will see you then” Magnus smiled, hoping that it would be the case because as much as he wanted to be there when Raphael and his sister came, he couldn’t guarantee that Alec would let him, but chances were he would. 

← X → 

          After having taken a nice warm shower, Magnus had gotten dressed and hurried out. Luckily for him, it wasn’t all that uncommon for people to be panic buying their last presents on Christmas Day. Most of the people working in the stores he went to just chuckled joyfully as he explained that he desperately needed one thing or another wrapped and ready to go. 

After several hours spent Christmas shopping, as well as several calls made to make sure they would have enough food for a small army, Magnus made his way towards Alec’s place. It wasn’t until he stepped into the lift, hands gripping so many shopping bags they were standing straight out at an angle, that he suddenly felt nervous. He had stood in this lift several times last night, or he had dreamt that he had? What he had seen once he got to Alec’s place had broken his heart. Maybe he didn’t deserve Alec? Maybe. He knew that he didn’t deserve him, but he wanted nothing more than to see him so he decided to be selfish once more and power through. 

Standing outside his door, unable to just walk though it this time, Magnus lifted his arm up in an awkward angle to be able to sort of knock on the door using his elbow and waited. The seconds ticked by slowly, but when Alec opened the door, time seemed to stop completely. 

          He was here. He was alive and right there for him to just reach out and touch. The future was not written in stone and as far as Magnus was concerned, he wasn’t going to let anything hurt this man in front of him. Pushing the horrible memories of his dreams aside, he looked at Alec and the look of cluelessness on his face.

He looked adorable. His hair was messy and standing up in all kinds of strange directions and he was only wearing some striped pyjamas bottoms and a t-shirt that was just a little bit too short, showing a little of his happy trail. 

          “Magnus?” Alec looked confused and then quickly reached up to straighten his hair, or at least trying to. It was again, adorable. 

          Magnus felt the smile on his face widening as he looked at him. How could he have pushed him away, how could have ever done anything that would risk losing this kind hearted, loving man. “Alexander” Magnus breathed out, it was just so good to see him again, alive. “Can I come in?”

          Alec looked unaware and sweet all at once as he nodded and held the door open. Walking inside, Magnus put the bags down in the hallway before turning back to Alec who had just closed the door. Magnus walked over to him, desperate to touch him and confirm that he was  _ really _ there. Grabbing him around the waist he pulled him close, kissing him. He tasted of coffee and felt like heaven and when Alec reached back around him so willingly and happily kissed him back Magnus’ heart broke as he thought of how he had treated him. He really didn’t deserve him.

          Magnus hadn’t planned for it, but they were quickly stumbling down the hallway, tripping over each others feet as they were both trying to undress each other without breaking the kiss. By the time they made it onto the bed, they were both naked and fully aroused. Laying on top of Alec, feeling his erection pressed against his own, Magnus let out a lust filled moan and pulled back. Looking down at Alec, his dark hair in sharp contrast to the soft blue covers of his pillows, framing his beautiful face as he looked back up at him. Before now Magnus hadn’t  _ really _ look at him during sex, not even before or after, he had never allowed himself and he knew why now as he did, his heart beating quickly in his chest. 

          “You are so beautiful” Magnus said and he doubted he had ever spoken truer words in the last few years. The words had just fell out of him and he had almost been embarrassed about it until he saw the soft blush on Alec’s face and noticed the way he almost shyly lowered his eyes. He hadn’t told him before, maybe ever, unless he was drunk but that didn’t count, especially since he couldn't remember it himself.

          Alec had hinted about wanting them to switch more often, maybe wanting to bottom more and because of that Magnus hadn’t agreed because it had been a way, a twisted way, for him to keep a little distance between them. To not listen. This time though, he had asked and Alec had almost shyly replied that he did, unsurprisingly, want Magnus inside him. Nothing was rushed and Alec had already come once in Magnus’ mouth before he  began prepping him. He had allowed Alec a little rest before kissing down his thigh and pushing his legs forward. He paid loving attention to every inch of the man, licking his entrance and teasing him open with his fingers. It was like unwrapping a beautiful Christmas gift as Alec fell apart in front of him, moaning so deliciously as he arched his back off the bed, legs trembling from pleasure. Magnus wondered how self-absorbed he had been before for not having seen him like this, or maybe he just hadn’t been brave enough to look.

Positioned between his legs, Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec slow and passionately as he pushed into Alec’s tight opening. Pressing down over him to make sure as much of his own body was held against Alec’s, Magnus quickly found a steady pace that they both seemed to enjoy. Alec had his legs hooked around his waist and were making the purest sounds of pleasure in between the kisses, making Magnus wish more than ever that he could go back to every time before and let himself feel the same amount of love for the other man as he felt there and then. 

It was over for him way too quickly, almost shamefully fast after having started if compared to what he would normally have managed. The emotion he felt having Alec beneath him somehow heightened every aspect of the experience, he wanted to give him every part of himself, no wall no barriers between them. Magnus could feel his own orgasm build before it exploded inside of him, making his entire body tremble with pleasure. Kissing Alec's soft lips, Magnus reached between their bodies to find his cock, stroking him skillfully to completion and taking in every movement and sound Alec made. Soon after Magnus had come, Alec tensed under him before he came for the second time and Magnus’ entire body was filled with a sense of happiness as his name was what Alec moaned as he came over his own stomach. 

          They moved apart, but only enough for Magnus to lie down on his back, cuddling Alec close. He wanted it to last forever, just the two of them like this, happy, forever. Hardly having caught his breath, Magnus kissed Alec’s perfectly messy hair as his head rested on his shoulder, his long limbs tangled and wrapped around him in the sweetest way as he enjoyed the gentle touches and cuddles that Magnus had never been able to deny him before, and even less so now. 

          “I want us to be more than this” Magnus said and even though the room went silent for way too long after he had said it, it just felt good to get it out. Shifting a little away from him, Alec opened his eyes and looked at him a little questioning. Rolling over onto his side to be able to look at him properly, Magnus met Alec’s beautiful eyes with his own and hoped Alec could see the sincerity in his. “I want you to be with me and I want to be with you, only you” Magnus said. 

Alec look adorably confused and it hit Magnus just how foreign the idea of him saying this to Alec must have been for him to be this taken back with it, and it hurt him a little. Alec made him happy, he always had and it had been why Magnus had pushed him away for so long because he hadn’t been good enough of a man to embrace it and what it meant, weakness and strength alike. Breathing slowly, Magnus took in every little detail of Alec’s face as he really truly thought about just how happy Alec made him and how he for the longest time had searched out poor copies of him who never had given him even the tiniest bit of what Alec could. He was the kindest, purest man he had ever met and he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to become a man he deserved. 

          “I love you” 

Magnus hadn’t even realised that he was saying it out loud before he heard his own voice fill the silence around them, but when he did he knew he meant it. He loved him and he had for a long time, he just hadn’t been very good at it. 

          “Magnus, I…” Alec started but Magnus cut him off, scared he would say it back because he felt he had to and not because he felt the same. “You don’t have to say it just because I did. I have treated you terribly and taken you for granted, pushed you away and just been horribly selfish. I don’t deserve you, I know that and I know I have no right coming here and telling you this. I just realised that I could actually screw this up, I could lose you and I desperately want to hold on to you, to this and make it more because I do, I love you” Magnus said, finding that it rolled off his tongue easily like truth did and lies never had. 

It was silent for another long moment as they lay there looking at each other before Alec broke the silence. 

          “I love you too” he said and when he did, he sounded so soft and warm and when his lips was against Magnus’ a second later, Magnus wasn’t sure if it was Alec’s or his own tears of happiness that he tasted. 

They could hardly stay apart after that and even when Alec said he needed a shower, Magnus followed and they spent so much time gently rubbing each other in with shower gel and washing each others hair that the hot water ran out and they laughingly had to get soap free in a stream of freezing water. Back in bed, Alec threw away the duvet and they instead wrapped up in a massive bed blanket and whispered words of love in between kisses and cuddles for hours. 

← X → 

          Having been so caught up in Alec and how he was feeling,  Magnus had almost forgotten about his previous plans and jumped as much as Alec at the sudden knock at the door. “Oh yeah, you should probably get that” he said as Alec stared back at him quizzically. Alec got out of bed and pulled on a new pair of pyjamas bottoms and a new, slightly bigger t-shirt to head for the door while Magnus swiftly made for Alec’s closet and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he hoped Alec wouldn’t mind him borrowing, pulling it on just in time to hear Alec in surprise and joy greet his family and friends. 

          Walking out of the bedroom, Magnus stopped in the living room but at such an angle that he could see the front door and was greeted with the sight of Alec surrounded by his mother and father as well as those of his siblings that had managed to get through the door, all caught up in a massive group hug. Smiling to himself, Magnus took in the sight and came to the conclusion that nothing brought him more joy than seeing Alec happy. 

The family slowly but surely managed to get into the apartment, filling most of the tiny rooms as they went along and Magnus pulled a little back to give  them the space. Just watching them for a second, Magnus smiled as Clary came up to him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

          “Thank you.” She whispered into his ear as they embraced.

          “It was nothing, biscuit.” He pulled back and looked at her, “I'm just so sorry it took me this long to do anything decent for the people I love.”

          “Magnus…”

          “No sweetheart. I know that you are going to be kind and make excuses for me but I've been a terrible human being. I haven't been there for you or anyone else, I've only ever thought about myself.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, “well that stops now. I promised your mother I would look out for you and I intend to honor that promise. If there is ever anything you need just ask me and I will see it done.”

She pulled him back into a tight hug whispering a thank you in his ear before she ran off to help her boyfriend, Alec’s adopted brother Jace, with some bags. 

          “Magnus” Raphael’s voice sounded from off to his right and Magnus turned to see his friend who stood with his wheelchair bound sister. 

          “Raphael, I’m so glad you came” Magnus said and walked over to him and grabbed him, pulling him into a hug. Still smiling widely, Magnus pulled back and looked at Rosa who he had never actually met before, which was also a testament to what a terrible ‘friend’ he had been to Raphael. “Rosa, nice to meet you” He smiled and offered her his hand. Rosa smiled politely, but Magnus could see the possible hostility behind her eyes. She couldn’t have heard good things so he wouldn’t hold it against her, instead he would show over time that he was trying to become a better person who deserved to have Raphael as a friend. 

          “I cant believe you did this” Alec beamed as he came up to them. “How did you even manage? How did you know?” 

Magnus hadn’t thought about that. If it had been just a dream, how would he have known? A chill went down his spine at the thought of it having been real. 

          “So this is your friend” A dark haired woman said as she came up behind Alec and Magnus quickly identified her as his mother. She carried herself well and looked younger than a woman old enough to have two grown children. 

Smiling still, Magnus nodded and offered her his hand, shaking it when she offered hers. “Nice to meet you” Magnus said as she introduced herself. “And it’s  _ boyfriend _ ” Magnus corrected and glanced at Alec quickly. Alec’s parents knew he was gay so he wasn’t outing him, he never would have, but he was still taking a risk by giving himself that title. They had said they loved each other, but it had happened for the first time ever just a few hours ago and they hadn’t talked about what they were officially yet. 

          Alec’s mother, Maryse as she had introduced herself as looked puzzled but smiled and turned to Alec. “Really? You didn't tell us that.” It was clear this family probably talked to each other unlike the family Magnus had come from, at least after his mother passed. 

          Looking at Magnus and back at his mother, Alec smiled and Magnus could see that he slightly shuffled his feet. Adorable. “Yeah, it’s kind of new” Alec said before he was quickly pulled into a hug. Magnus thought he heard Maryse congratulate him, but his attention was brought to the door as there was a new knock. 

          “I’ll get that, it must be the food” Magnus smiled and walked passed Raphael who had a look of stunned shock on his face, possibly over the fact that he had ordered food or most likely because he had just referred to himself as Alec’s boyfriend. Magnus was bi and had known and been open about that for as long as he could remember, but he had only been in one actual relationship before and that was with Camille, so Alec was his first boyfriend. Alec was already his first so many things. 

← X → 

          It had indeed been the food that had come and after a bit of running around trying to find everything else they needed, like plates and cutlery, they had all managed to get around the livingroom and kitchen table that had awkwardly been pushed together despite the height difference. There hadn’t been enough matching anything, glasses and plates alike, but they had made do with what they had. When they were all seated, Magnus right across from Alec but between Jace and Izzy who were very inquisitive, it all felt homely and warm. 

They ate and laughed and Magnus was probably the happiest he had ever been in his life. Raphael had slowly loosened up as he realised that it wasn’t all a crazy stunt and Rosa had also quickly turned bubbly and was happily chatting away with Izzy and her fiance, Simon, who was new to Magnus but seemed like a great guy. 

They had all exchanged gifts after since the dinner had come so soon after they had arrived and by the time Max had managed to tear the wrapper of all of his gifts and tested all of his new toys and gadgets, he was so exhausted that he had passed out on the couch. 

          Alec had gotten him a silver ear cuff and two silver rings, one with the letter M and the other with the letter B. All three were wrapped in the same blue paper he had seen them in when he had visited here with Jocelyn.

The silver ear cuff was remarkable because it was exactly the same one that he had seen on another man in a bar several months back. Magnus had desperately wanted the item and had devised a drunken plan to steal the piece of jewellery by the end of the night. Alec however had calmly put a stop to it and must have secretly asked the man where he had got the cuff so he could get it for Magnus without breaking the law. The other two gifts had been another story, one morning as they lay together in bed, Magnus had joked that one day he might get so drunk he would forget his own name. Alec had suggested that he get it tattooed somewhere for identification but Magnus had claimed that was too permanent for a man as fickle as he. They eventually decided that his initials would be the best idea, just enough to jog his memory but not enough to be identified by anyone who might have a grudge against him.

          Magnus felt overwhelmed at the thoughtfulness of the gifts. He had only got Alec a watch, which wasn’t that personal except the inscription on the back that read ‘My Alexander, Your Magnus’. In hindsight it was crazy of him to get him that in case Alec had rejected him, but he was happy about his decision now. He had also given him a two weeks ‘get away’ to Paris which Alec had been allowed to decide if he wanted to do spend with a friend or Magnus, just in case, but Alec had laughed and kissed him in front of his entire family while exclaiming that of course he wanted Magnus to come with him. 

Magnus had almost cried, Alec had maybe but hid it well but Raphael had actually sobbed and excused himself when he got his gift. Getting up, Magnus went out and found Raphael in the table and chairless kitchen, just looking at the papers that had come out of the envelope. 

          When he looked up he just waved the papers in Magnus’ direction, eyes already looking sore. “What is this?” Raphael asked, his voice sounding almost muffled. 

          “It’s not charity” Magnus stated, knowing Raphael enough to know that he would never want that. He had found out last night that he struggled with paying Rosa’s medical bills and cover both of their expenses and that should never have been the case, so he had basically wiped his dept. “Think of it as a delayed paycheck to go along with your raise, one that you should have gotten years ago” Magnus stated firmly. 

          “I don’t understand” Raphael replied. “What brought this on? How did you even know?” 

Magnus let out a sigh. He couldn’t really tell, not now, or Raphael would refuse the gift and the raise, chucking everything up to him having a mental breakdown of some sort and believe he would have to pay it all back one day, which wouldn’t happen. “I had a hard look in the mirror and reflected over some things” Magnus said, keeping it vague. “I know I’ve been a terrible friend and an even worse boss and before you say anything, because I know you are smarter than you look” he joked and actually got a small chuckle out of Raphael. “If this is a delayed paycheck, where is your actual gift, right? Well, I got you a tie, it's under the tree still” he said sheepishly.

          Laughing in disbelief, Raphael’s arms dropped and hung down on each side of his body. “Magnus, you really shouldn’t have” he said, but the look in his eyes, the slowly returning belief in him was enough to let Magnus know he had indeed done the right thing. 

          “Don’t worry about it, the tie isn’t  _ that  _ nice” he smiled before walking over and pulling Raphael into a hug, smiling as his friend stuttered out several ‘thank yous’. “Come on, let's go out there and be a little family-friendly social. It’s new to me, but I have to admit, I like it” he said and pulled Raphael along, back into the living room. 

← X → 

          They all stayed up way too late, but slowly but surely they all jumped into waiting taxis and drove away. Knowing Alec’s flat was too small for them all, Magnus had booked them all into a hotel last minute for a few nights so they could spend a few days with Alec before having to go back home. Izzy, Simon, Clary and Jace were the last to go and when they had, Alec and Magnus had collapsed onto the bed before cuddling up under the duvet even though they hadn’t had time to change the sheets, but they needed the warmth only it could provide. 

Cuddling up against Magnus, Alec was all small kisses and more little sweet whispers as they lay together. “If I wasn’t so tired I would make sure this was the best night of your life” Alec mumbled, his lips brushing against Magnus’ neck, tickling his skin.

          “It already is” Magnus replied quietly.

          Alec paused “Thank you, for everything you did for me tonight.” he began, “It was the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

          Magnus gazed up into his eyes and said with complete honesty, “No I should be thanking you, Alexander. You make me want to be a better man. I just hope I can become the man you deserve.”

Content but struggling to keep his eyes open, Magnus gave in and closed them as he listened to Alec’s breathing slowly getting heavier.

          “Merry Christmas” he whispered, before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

**Fin.**


End file.
